In this post im gonna post about something that fascinate me, and I just read abit about it since not many information about it yet. So, what is it about ? something that quiet disturbing for these past 4 years and good thing its slowly gone now and I think its okay already.
It was anxiety tremor.
My body shaking almost 24/7 except the time when Im about to sleep and all light and sound have been turned off . And also I become so sensitive toward stimulation around me which explained why the shaking hit the peak when I just woke up and sadly it accompanied by the anxious and fever-like (meriang) feeling, its kinda hard to describe but yeah it hurt physically and moreover, it so real yet it unreal that a calming therapy or medicine cant relieve it. This period last for 2 years, stop for 4 months then continued again in same pattern.. which is weird, relaxation can help the tremor but some other sensation just wont budge and holding tight in the chest.
its too abstract to describe, but u got the idea.
Shaking, tremor, anxiety and fever like.
So, what I read is (of course the source is internet, because book is too scientific and often not discussing weird things :p), the tremor might be caused by adrenaline that keep stimulated and its kinda lose its control and making everything feels like a threat. Im not sure how it work but somehow its related on how the anxiety tremor start. At one night, I was overthinking about how I am about to become a failure and I dunno if I ever get happy and become the same again or not then it intesifies overnight until it hits me so hard and I was so numb that time. Thing gone worse in the next morning, that is the first time I was shaking, slowly and painfully plus the fever-like sensation and worsen brain fog, the start of depersonalization when I feel completely detached to surrounding yet feel anxious all the time. Well yeah, its weird and I have no idea whats goin on, but my theory is all the source of the pain is from adrenaline which triggered by overthinking and subconsciusly think everything is a threat maybe ?
Luckily, Im adapted to the "loss of emotion" which eventually recover the tremors & co's hehehe, and can function again nowaday.
if u ever wondered why the only thing I write is about flashback memories, my "weird" story and things about my personality, feeling and stuff. Its because, I feel like the time when I feel really alive and "living" the memory is during those years. And since 2012 onward, my mind and knowledge might be improved, but my emotional memory feels like stop and it just goes by. So, the way I can have actual fun is only to remembering the time I have joyful memorable moment, sorry if the post looks like I need attention or need to be pitied but Im not.
allright thats all for the mumble~
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