This video randomly stumbled on my youtube while streaming some videos just now.
And weirdly this make me cry.
Its remind me on my past self that once so ambitious to reach any dream and life target I assign, because I kinda "live inside the ambition passionately", the proud feeling being a person that surrounded by intellect people (not gonna lie about it, my friends are all amazing) , the feeling that I know I can achieve one thing to another if work hard, the feeling of grip to control my life under my plan. Its like everything rotating on my life can drive me passionately and make me able to fight the fatigue and exhaustion of trying to reach highest dream of my life.
I know I already write several times but still.. I really wish I can get back my old self, the passion, the emotion, the sensation of living life.
I know I should not always drown in jealousy or envy other people's life, but I just still cant accept this lack of drive in general.
Its like why bother to strive one achievement to another if life just feels so meaningless.
Never knew all happy times in the past can stab me so badly now, Its like everytime something flashing back good memories, its keep remind me on how I cant get the same feeling anymore.
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